


Never Have I Ever

by storieswelove



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Drinking Games, M/M, drinking games are good for two things: harassing friends and flirting, luckily these boys are doing both at once, warning for alcohol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:48:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22043578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storieswelove/pseuds/storieswelove
Summary: “We should play ‘Never Have I Ever’” he says, and David quirks an eyebrow at him. “You know, the drinking game?”“Yes, I’m familiar with ‘Never Have I Ever.’” David says, and Patrick smiles. His useless, betraying, good-for-nothing heart flutters. “But, um, isn’t that usually a party game? You know, lots of almost-drunk people looking to get dirt on friends, or get drunk enough to make some mistakes?” He shimmies his shoulders a little to make his point, and immediately regrets it. Fuck, why is he a walking disaster?Patrick laughs. “Sure,” he says. “But it’s also a fun way to get to know each other? And we should do that. Get to know each other, I mean”David shrugs. What’s the worst that could happen? He’ll lie if he has to.***David spends the night at Patrick's duringLice. They play a party game to break the tension. What's the worst that could happen?
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 31
Kudos: 275





	Never Have I Ever

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aulauem](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aulauem/gifts).



> A barely-more-than-a-drabble AU for Aulauem, who solved my never-ending "how do you resolve a Lice AU" questioning. I love her more than most things in life. 
> 
> I cannot find the house number for Ray's in any of the scenes I watched, so I went with the number of days left till the premiere. If anyone knows of an actual house number, please tell me.

“…you can crash at my place, if you need to.” 

God. He’s so nice. How the fuck he is so nice? David forgets, for a second, that he’s supposed to respond, just smiles and nods dopily at his business partner. Then he remembers. “Thank you, um, but Stevie offered her place this morning, so.”

He motions at Stevie standing behind Patrick. It’s not really a lie — she basically had. David makes eye contact with her, and she’s raising one eyebrow. 

“I mean, that sounds _much_ better,” she says, and he’s going to kill her. Actually kill her. Handcuff her to a tree behind the motel and let the flesh-eating moths have their way with her. “I have to go back to the motel, so who knows if I’m going to contract it next. You shouldn’t take the risk, David.”

Patrick turns around to look at Stevie, and David glares at her behind his back. She’s physically biting back what he’s sure is a shit-eating grin. Murder. Literal murder. Having a friend was nice while it lasted. 

“No, I’m sure it’ll be fine, Stevie,” he says pointedly. 

“Mmm, I don’t know. I think you’d better take Patrick up on his offer.” She’s nodding seriously, but her eyes are big and bright. She knows _exactly_ what she’s doing. 

Patrick turns back to look at David and misses the shit-eating grin bloom across her entire face. David does his best to keep his face steady. Why was he friends with her again?

“Okay. Tha—thanks, Patrick.” Mmm, tripping over words now. That’s sexy. Not that sexy was what he was going for. He doesn’t even know Patrick’s preferences.

Fuck. This is gonna be a long day. 

“No problem.”

* * *

Patrick lives with Ray. David had assumed he’d be staying in some spare bedroom, off-white walls and beige carpets with no furniture in the room except a bed with a cheap, blue-striped comforter. But Patrick texted him the address, and the giant number eight on the white house had matched up with the “8” in the grey text bubble. 

So that’s how he ended up here, barely one step into Ray’s doorway, like a vampire who’s been welcomed in but suspects a trap. He’s furiously texting Stevie, overnight bag still hanging from his arm. 

**David** : he doesn’t have his own place

 **David** : he rents a room from Ray

 **David** : RAY!!!!

 **Stevie** : don’t worry, just lock the door 

**David** : stop. 

**Stevie** : what did u expect 

**David** : a guest bedroom! 

**Stevie** : ????? 

**Stevie** : did u think he was bill gates? 

**David** : 🖕

He’s about to text her again when Patrick calls out from the kitchen. “Do you want a drink?” 

“Yes, please!” He isn’t sure there’s enough alcohol in all of Schitt’s Creek to get him through tonight. 

Patrick’s head appears around the doorway. “I’ve got beer or red wine.”

“Wine would be great.” Patrick turns back around, and David realizes how weird he must look, still clutching his bag like he’s about to run. He drops it on the ground next to him and takes a step toward the kitchen. 

Patrick comes out with a bottle of beer in one hand, and hands David a large glass of red wine from the other. 

“Thanks.” It comes out hoarse. 

Patrick smiles, and motions with his head for David to follow him. He leads them into the living room and sits down on the couch. David lowers himself a safe distance away, perched on the edge. Could this get any weirder? He takes a long pull from his glass. 

“So,” he says. 

“So.”

“Thanks again for um, offering up your place. I didn’t realize you lived with Ray. I didn’t mean to put you out.”

“Don’t worry about it. I was happy to help.”

They hold eye contact for a beat too long. That had been happening a lot recently, with increasing frequency. David presses his lips together to hold back a smile and looks away. 

“So do you want to like, watch a documentary,” he says, and gestures to where he realizes there’s no TV. “Or play a board game…,” and again, no games in sight. “Or…”

“Well, if you want to play a game, you know what we should do?” asks Patrick, sparing David from finding another deficiency in Ray’s living room. 

“Hmmm?”

“We should play ‘Never Have I Ever’” he says, and David quirks an eyebrow at him. “You know, the drinking game?”

“Yes, I’m familiar with ‘Never Have I Ever.’” David says, and Patrick smiles. His useless, betraying, good-for-nothing heart flutters. “But, um, isn’t that usually a party game? You know, lots of almost-drunk people looking to get dirt on friends, or get drunk enough to make some mistakes?” He shimmies his shoulders a little to make his point, and immediately regrets it. Fuck, why is he a walking disaster?

Patrick laughs. “Sure,” he says. “But it’s also a fun way to get to know each other? And we should do that. Get to know each other, I mean”

David shrugs. What’s the worst that could happen? He’ll lie if he has to. 

* * *

“Never have I ever flown on a private jet.” Patrick’s smile is small but evil. They’re sitting cross-legged on the cheap leather couch now, facing each other, half an hour deep in what has turned into a surprisingly vicious-but-fun game. 

“Okay, are you trying to get to know me, or are you trying to get me drunk?” David asks, then dutifully takes a sip of his wine. He’s on his second glass now, the half-empty bottle on the floor next to the ottoman, waiting patiently for David’s next refill. 

Patrick waggles his eyebrows at him but doesn’t say anything else. David takes his cue.

“Never have I ever…” He roots around for something he wants to know. “Been in love.” He cringes internally, but manages to keep his face trained. Whatever. May as well find out about some high school sweetheart or pining, unrequited love on the girl next door before this godforsaken crush gets any worse. 

Patrick gives David a little shrug. Crap. Well, at least _that’s_ something. He takes another sip of wine. Patrick smiles at him. The warmth radiating through his stomach is definitely not because of the liquor. 

“Never have I ever kissed a guy.” 

David almost chokes on the sip of wine still in his mouth. He twists his lips and glares at Patrick, but it takes everything he has to hold back a laugh. Dirty, low-blow-dealing bastard. But fair is fair. If he has to die on this “games have rules” hill, so be it. 

“Okay,” he says, and takes a deliberate gulp before continuing. “That was cheap shot for the straight guy to take at the pansexual one.” He’s laughing a little bit now, the wine loosening up the earlier nerves. Maybe this game was a good idea after all. 

“Oh.” Patrick clears his throat, and his cheeks are a little pink. Were they pink a minute ago? They _are_ drinking, and it’s not exactly cool in here. “I’m not…” 

David’s heart stops. Then his brain. But no, nope, nuh uh, it doesn’t matter _what_ Patrick is or isn’t, because David is absolutely not going there. “Not what?” 

Well. He _is_ only human. 

“I’m not uh…I’m not straight.” 

Were they sitting this close together two minutes ago? David is suddenly very aware of their knees touching. Patrick is looking anywhere but David’s face. His cheeks are definitely still pink. 

“Ah,” is all he can muster. He’s had too much wine. Damn Patrick and his targeted questions. 

Patrick is looking at him now. Shit. Did Patrick just look at his mouth? This can’t be happening. 

“So you’re…” Why the fuck he he still talking about this? This is dangerous. Drunk David hasn’t made any bad decisions in a very long time, and he’d like to keep it that way. 

“I’m not sure what I am? But I’m definitely not uh” he clears his throat again. God, this is new for him. Like, _new_ new. “Not straight.” He looks at David’s mouth again. 

David feels his body moving of its own volition, almost like an out of body experience. All he knows is that suddenly he’s leaning forward, hurdling toward Patrick’s face, and Patrick is still looking at his fucking mouth and there is nothing and no one on heaven or earth that could stop them if they tried. 

Kissing Patrick is like fireworks. What the fuck? Since when is kissing like fireworks? But it is. It’s an explosion of want and heat and _care_ right in his gut, spreading up through his chest and across his limbs in a chrysanthemum flare, just tingles everywhere until it’s filled him up with this intense warmth he can’t ever remember feeling. Not like this. 

The kiss could not have lasted longer than five seconds.

He pulls away, and Patrick’s eyes are blown wide, like he didn’t expect it, like he didn’t just fucking tell David he wasn’t straight and had never kissed a guy, like he didn’t just _stare at David’s mouth_ and oh GOD did he misread everything? He’s spiraling now, but there’s no one here to pull him out of it but himself and he’s notoriously bad at this so _I guess I’m just gonna spiral_. 

He’s reaching alarmingly far into himself, looking for something, _anything_ , to lighten the mood, to tell Patrick it was a joke, to say sorry he was drunk and it was a misunderstanding and _ha ha it wouldn’t be a game of ‘Never Have I Ever’ without someone making a bad drunken play right?_ when Patrick _lunges_ the distance between them and kisses David so hard that their teeth clash and a little wine from his cup spills on David’s sweats but he _does not give a single fuck_. 

They’re kissing hard and fast, and in a shocking moment of lucidity, David manages to grab both of their drinks without breaking contact, putting them on the floor. He puts one hand on Patrick’s thigh and the other on his shoulder, and he’s not sure what it’s going to accomplish but he tugs a little because he just wants him closer. 

Except it does accomplish something because now Patrick is _in his lap_ and damn this is so much better than sharing a bed with Stevie in whatever bomb-shelter she lives in. 

Patrick is whimpering in his mouth and David is on fire and who knew he could be so grateful for bugs with milky exoskeletons? 

**Author's Note:**

> All my love to [ships_to_sail](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ships_to_sail/) and [helvetica_upstart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/helvetica_upstart/) for their beta trades tonight. It was worth it, because their fics are far better than this one, and I got to take a break to sink into those and forget my troubles. 
> 
> If you have a fun prompt request, or just wanna say hi, visit me on [Tumblr @ storieswelove](storieswelove.tumblr.com)!


End file.
